Keeferman

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Keeferman is a heroic icon considered by many to be the world's foremost real-life superhero. Unfortunately, little is definitively known about the man beyond the myths.
The nuketastic online issue.
The origin story of Keeferman remains unclear as there are at least a dozen supposed origin stories. Alphabetically, he is either an alien, chemically enhanced, a divine creation, a government agent, a mutant, a robot, or some kind of warlock. None of the origin stories are particularly credible, but neither have any of them been completely disproved.

Further complicating biography is the fact that each of Keeferman's various media incarnations present background stories of their own. While in a blog (purportedly administrated by his representatives) Keeferman seems to make certain admissions, there have been curious inconsistencies. These inconsistencies call the veracity of even that alleged autobiography into question. It is especially rare for any "unofficial" details to be consistent from medium to medium. Representatives tell one story, fans tell another. Witnesses describe an incident from one perspective and law enforcement officials describe the same incident altogether differently. Newspaper reports have depicted him one way, graphic novels another. It is therefore only safe to say that we do not truly know anything definitive about Keeferman. One can only assemble the available pieces into as coherent a picture as shifting circumstances (and suspension of disbelief) will allow.

Keeferman is usually portrayed as an unabashed slacker in his late thirties whose extracurricular exploits are often exaggerated -usually beyond belief. Most accounts are in agreement that he is married, has a day-job in the private sector, and makes his home in Atlanta, Georgia. While little else is known about his personal life, he is less than discrete about his erstwhile heroics. Actually, it is this copious amount of first-hand and second-hand reports that seems to overload attempts at analysis. It is not known which facts, if any, really are true.

Contents

His Life

Childhood

There was an Affiliated Press report in the 1970’s that described a toddler with extraordinary physical gifts. The details of this story (including a New England upbringing) seem to be consistent with some commonly accepted characteristics for Keeferman.

Teen Years

According to an exhaustive search of computerized archives (including Google, Nexis, and The Wayback Machine), the names “Keef”, “Keefer”, and “Keeferman” began to be mentioned first during the Eighties -though they did not enter the public lexicon until much later. Keeferman was associated with many modern urban legends throughout Greater Boston, but a lack of cross-references makes actual identification impossible. Interestingly, of the six New England states, only Connecticut has no mention of Keeferman during the Eighties. While he would almost certainly have had to at least crossed through the state during roadtrips to various destinations he is known to have reached (New York, Washington D.C., etc.), there’s no indigenous mention of Keeferman by any Connecticuters -despite an exhaustive survey of the archives.

Early Adulthood

Keeferman seems to have maintained a low profile during the Nineties. This is consistent with stories that would place him in secret service to the American government during that time.

Keeferman?

The Current Era

It has only been in this 21st century, the Information Age, that Keeferman has emerged as an almost palpable figure. Online resources began to corroborate some stories generally attributed to him. There are even a few YouTube videos featuring Keeferman. There is also, of course, his own website.

Personality

Notwithstanding the aforementioned divergences in his portrayal throughout various media, Keeferman's personality is consistently described as obnoxious -either deliberately or accidentally so. This obnoxiousness ranges from mildly amusing to severely counter-productive and has been used against friends and foes alike. He was once quoted as saying: “There’s no ‘off switch’ on The Keeferman Experience”.

Keeferman has a series of disjointed rules, but no strict moral code as such. His confessed “youthful indiscretions” have even gotten him into trouble with the law. Perhaps because of experiences such as those, Keeferman has been known to publicly express concerns about conventional law enforcement and civil liberties. Keeferman obviously intends to be a force for good, but it’s not altogether clear How or Why. Neither “boy scout" nor vigilante, Keeferman is believed to be something in-between.

Having left his homeland in New England, Keeferman has waxed somewhat nostalgic regarding the region –though he has comfortably settled in the Deep South. This displacement, combined with the pressure of using his powers responsibly, seems to have left Keeferman conflicted. A stranger-in-a-strange-land, despite his many friends, his wife, and his family. The appearance of Joanderwoman has, however, been particularly stabilizing. Keeferman’s adopted hometown of Atlanta features ever more prominently in the Keeferman story as the years progress.

Superpowers and Abilities

Powers

Again, despite the confounding wealth of information regarding Keeferman, he most certainly possesses extraordinary powers and abilities. Chief among them would be the dubious "power" of obnoxiousness. This is, perhaps, symbolized most acutely by his use of the Interrobang. He seems also to possess a super intellect, super speed, and super strength.

In addition to any inherent strength, he has mentioned being a member of the exclusive Platinum's Supergym. The exact limits of his physical strength are not yet known, but he has torn cars apart with his bare hands, beaten down multiple attackers with his bare fists, and has even (it is rumored) defeated large bears mano-a-mano.

In the absence of a certified IQ test, we have only his appearance on Celebrity Jeopardy (and some of his own statements regarding barroom trivia contests) by which to measure his brainpower. He has, of course, also foiled many a "criminal mastermind". He did once joke about being a member of his high school chess club, however the interviewer had to add that she was not sure if Keeferman was really kidding or not.

Keeferman once stated in a separate interview with a major sports magazine:
"Y'know how they say everyone's unique and how everyone has some gift that they're meant to share with the world? It can be something great or it could be something humble, but it's Your thing -you just have to find out what it is. Like... doctors or preachers might have a “calling”. Everybody knows Ted Williams was the best baseball player ever and Yo Yo Ma is the greatest cellist of our time. Everyone has their thing, right? Well, if I truly were Best In the World at any one thing... (and I’m talking if I hadn’t been a superhero) …it would have to be Air Hockey. Had there been an organized professional league, or had I been aware of one anyway, I would've been not just one of the best, but the Very best. I would've been a World Champion."
This alleged skill has yet to have come up in reference to any other social or criminal interaction in the public record.

As initially reported, Keeferman's powers were practically unlimited. Super speed, super strength, super intellect –he had it all. He seemed to be everywhere at the same time. Maybe that kind of omnipresence or omnipotence was never really possible. Over time, reports tempered and his powers seemed to wane. Though perhaps within the range of standard human genetic potential, he is still faster, stronger, and smarter than any other individual for whom we have been provided documentation.

“I’m so bad, I don’t need a gun. I just keep a pocketful of bullets and insert them manually.” He later apologized, recanted the violent sentiment entirely, and admitted that he’s never actually had to perform such a maneuver. An accomplished marksman, it would seem that he prefers non-lethal means of law-enforcement and possesses an astounding arsenal of weaponry suited to that purpose. As far as personal defense, he claims that he himself is invulnerable to bullets, though (being capable of dodging them) he’s never actually been hit by one. There are even two accounts, believed to have been confirmed by Keeferman, documenting his first encounters with armed assailants. He survived an attempted mugging in New Hampshire and an attempted car-jacking in Indianapolis. If these are to be believed, then they must have occurred before he actually began crimefighting as a career because in each case he allowed his assailants to escape with their lives.

“You can’t stop him. You can only hope to contain him.” That’s what the leader of one group of thugs was reported to have said during police interrogation. In the report, an arch enemy had tried to neutralize Keeferman via a carefully orchestrated diversion. Details weren’t available, but a law enforcement official (who refused to go on public record) said that as many as a dozen well-equipped henchmen managed to buy only three minutes before Keeferman subdued them and then proceeded to bust-up an attempted robbery by their criminal leader across town.

Keeferman is said to be fearless. This is attributed alternately to confidence based upon his abilities and recklessness based on his impatience. He claims to have not lost a fight since middle-school (and complained that that particular incident was against not one, but two opponents). His fighting style does not seem attributable to any particular martial art, but the terms “drunken monkey” and “wildcat” have been used to describe it. There are also more than a few accounts whereby Keeferman was seen fighting crime alongside a mysterious “700 pound black and white cow-tiger”.

Vulnerabilities

Keeferman is most vulnerable to bureaucracy. This he has admitted freely. Some villains have reported varying degrees of success with coleslaw and coleslaw derivatives. Upon hearing one such report, Joanderwoman is said to joke that she uses Brussels Sprouts (to repel Keeferman) herself. Despite being immune to displays of almost every human misery, Keeferman must have a soft spot for animals as he was once observed to have turned away from the television just before a pack of hyenas took down a baby gazelle. It’s also been rumored that, under the influence of certain libations, his New England accent comes out. Movie spoilers make his eyes tear-up alittle too.

Contra-Indications

There is one theory that attributes the abject intangibility of Keeferman to the fact that he does not exist at all. It has been proposed that he is a figment of collective imagination -that Keeferman is just a manifestation of a societal desire. He is a decisive force during uncertain times. He is an inspirational leader for discouraged and disenfranchised people everywhere. Keeferman is not just a man, he is a movement. A movement that is subconsciously fostered by an eager public.

Another theory suggests that Keeferman exists, is otherwise quite normal, but has fabricated an extraordinary identity for himself. An identity in which enough people believe that it becomes “common knowledge”. He has deliberately strewn truths, half-truths, and outright lies out there on the Internet (and in the entertainment world) that’ve become an unravellable web of self-reinforcing “facts” that are almost impossible to disprove. (See also Baron von Munchhausen, Walter Mitty, and Billy Liar.)

Yet another theory supposes that Keeferman existed at first, died or retired, and his heroic standard has been picked up and carried on by others in his name.

One of the more dubious conspiracy theories supposes that the supposedly heroic Keeferman identity exists only to cover-up the nefarious activities of an as-yet-undiscovered super villain.

Interestingly, a local art critic once described him thusly: "A man of incscrutable charm, the opaque nature of his pure motives and intentions are his competititive edge in exporting asphalt used to pave the road to hell. The tempation to induldge his ascetic tastes and join the Franciscan order was thwarted by his almost Taoist romantic involvement with an Epicurean. Haunting the web in villainous cattle hide, guarding his Achilles heel - Brian Wilson-esque devotion to a megalomaniacal vanity project, the wicked and the meek can rest assured he is lurking."

Supporting cast

Not much is known about his secret identity, but a few names have been put forth. “Keefer MacNichols” is the most widely accepted. There has, however, been little in the way of corroboration, so this too is merely speculation. Most of what's known about his associates in the Keeferverse is based on graphic novelization and cinematic representation rather than real-life documentation.

Keeferman and friends.

Heroes

Keeferman's large cast of supporting characters includes Joanderwoman -the character most commonly associated with Keeferman. She being portrayed primarily as his partner-in-crimefighting and/or girlfriend. Another associate, Hellkat, has been his constant companion and crimefighting sidekick since the early Nineties. It’s been deduced that Keeferman and Cricket are old University friends. (This would seem to explain the fact that most of their so-called "adventures" are merely recollections of past college shenanigans and not much actual crimefighting.)

Other main supporting characters include The Internets coworkers such as technicians Robert N. Wood, Steven Johnson, Luke von Scoene, and Dickie O’Surman. They’re joined by corporate apparatchik Sharron von Scoene and academician Melissa Gale.

Keeferman in Atlanta.

Keeferman's parents, Ma and Pa MacNichols, divorced when he was young, but each is still mentioned on occasion. He has a few sisters, a several cousins, and numerous nieces and nephews. Stories making reference to the possibility of Keeferman siring children have been featured both in and out of mainstream continuity though Keeferman himself has denied having any children of his own yet.

As previously stated, Keeferman is inextricably associated with Joanderwoman. However, having settled comfortably into normal suburban life, Joanderwoman’s superheroic activities aren’t nearly as prolific as they used to be. Keeferman, as a result, continues to fly solo or rely upon previously-established partnerships for most of his crimefighting these days. In addition to supergroup The @lantans, Keeferman occasionally jumps in with the Cinetropians or the Contracepticons. Though based elsewhere around the country, U.S.Mantis, III, Alphadog, Lava, and Shrike also feature prominently in Keeferman adventures.

Villains

Keeferman also has a rogues gallery of enemies, including his most well-known nemesis, The Anarchist, who has been envisioned over the years in various forms as either a mad political scientist with a professional vendetta against Keeferman, or a powerful but corrupt CEO of an industrial conglomerate. The bizarro reverse-Keeferman, known as Reeferman, is considered to be the second most annoying enemy of Keeferman. Other enemies who have featured in various incarnations of the character, from comic books to film and television, include Neuroxin, Faux Force Six, and a nefarious group of former government officials (under the control of parasitic demons) known as The Vulcans.

Media

The superspooky Halloween issue.

Comics

The character of Keeferman has appeared in various media -most significantly though in comics. This is, at least in some part, seen to be due to the character's perception as an American counter-cultural icon. Starting as a comic strip in a college newspaper, Keeferman soon expanded to bigger papers with wider circulation. There were reprints online and collections were published as graphic novels. Keeferman's popularity increased during the Afghan War years due perhaps to his peculiar brand of patriotism. Eventually Keeferman spun off into a monthly comic book title for an independent publishing house. Once standing at as many as five monthly titles, Keeferman is perhaps more widely known for his fictional exploits than his real life ones.

Film and Television

Following the success of a series of internet podcasts (and the success of The WB's first season of the superhero drama Smallville) a Keeferman television series was commissioned in 2004. This live-action version never actually got off the ground, but ended up being launched (straight to DVD) as an independent-release animated series instead.

The popularity of the animated series (in Japan) lead to a movie deal. This too started out as a live-action concept, but eventually became an animated project. Keeferman was released in 2006 as a big budget anime and did relatively well at the box office (in Japan).

Having become a surprise hit in Japanese theaters, the option for Keeferman: the Movie was picked up by an independent Hollywood producer for an undisclosed amount in April 2006. Joss Whedon was rumored to have been tapped to write the script. (He must have dropped out quite immediately as this rumor never actually made it into print.) J. Michael Straszinski was reportedly next on the list and then The Wachosky Brothers and J. J. Abrams, but each was found to have declined in turn. Eventually a team of previous unknowns turned in a draft which was accepted by the studio and casting begun while that draft was turned into a filmable script. Nicholas Cage was presumed to be interested in playing the lead role. The producer was actually in the process of courting Tom Cruise instead when the studio, rumored to be a consortium of Russian "businessmen", pulled out and the project lost it's financial backing. All writing and casting was halted by late 2006. The producer eventually rounded up another (undisclosed) financial source, another team of writers, and called for a final version of the script to be delivered by the Summer of 2007. Preproduction problems called for the script to be completely overhauled and this was begun in September 2007. Unfortunately, the Writers Guilds of America (East and West) went on strike on November 5, 2007 and all work was halted once again. While the strike concluded on February 12, 2008, the project is currently in development_hell.

Computer Games

The Keeferman computer game, based on the movie, is currently on hold as well -though the option is set to expire soon.

Musical References

While there have been no direct musical attributions to "Keeferman" there have been many veiled references.

Keeferman is known to have made appearances at the Neshoba County Fair in Philadelphia, Mississippi -not far from the hometown of the Mississippi-based rock band 3 Doors Down. Their song Kryptonite would appear to be a retelling of an unfortunate coleslaw incident Keeferman is said to have had at The Catfish Opry in nearby Noxapater.

The Atlanta band Cinetrope, of which he consistently denies being a member, have made several lyrical references to Keeferman. Some have suggested that it's Keeferman for whom lead vocalist, Sharron von Scoene, pines in their torch-songs Til I Bleed and Noir.

Keeferman himself is rumored to have expressed an interest in obtaining the rights to a number of songs for the Keeferman movie soundtrack, including:
Cadence to Arms by The Dropkick Murphys
Like a Song by U2
Song 2 by Blur
Airbag and Lucky by Radiohead
and Untitled 8 by Sigur Ros.

Critical Reception and Popularity

Of course it was Superman’s initial success that led to the proliferation of superheroes in America and around the world. It is therefore no surprise that, when one like Keeferman came along, comparisons would follow. While Keeferman has acknowledged an immense debt of gratitude owed to Superman, he has also requested that his contributions be considered on their own merit. His detractors seem more than willing to oblige.

Keeferman has been discussed and debated in many forums over the years since his debut. While comic strips and graphic novels have been popular, his books and blogs have not been nearly as well received by literary critics. Much to the consternation of Keeferman's fans, many journalists have dismissed even his most important writing as amateurish. (One journalist going to far as to call him "immature to the point of infantility" and "irrelevant".)

It might be that literary scorn and derision have an inverse effect upon Keeferman -as his writing goes on undeterred. He seems indefatigably smug and self-satisfied, pumping out blog post after post and adventure story after story. While it is not known how many "adventures" he has actually had, Keeferman claims to have an inexhaustible supply of anecdotal replies for any topic.

It has been suggested that there is one form of critical expression that would have an adverse effect upon an attention-seeker like Keeferman: indifference. In fact, there is a story regarding some fans (with whom he was posing for a photograph) wherein a woman purported to be his mother suggested aloud: "Just ignore him, he'll go away."

Keeferman's popularity, however, continues to grow unabated. In addition to his various media incarnations, Keeferman is often called upon to make personal appearances at public events like charity auctions, blood drives, and parades. He has been a featured guest at Sci-Fi conventions. He has given motivational speeches at large corporate dinners. He has even delivered commencement addresses to universities and police academies. The increasing frequency of these very public demands for his time seem to be a testament to his growing fanbase.

While the character Keeferman has not yet received any award in any creative medium, Keeferman himself has surely been considered for several community service awards -such as the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the Nobel Peace Prize, and the Key to the City of Atlanta. The fact that he has not yet actually won any is, in the superhero community, largely seen as an oversight. He has, however, been observed to express pride over his pool trophies, some dayjob employee-of-the year plaques, and a fantasy-baseball championship certificate.

Marketing and Merchandising

Keeferman was a relative unknown on the marketplace until after the dawn of the new millennium. Once established though, his popularity increased quite rapidly, with features in small newspapers, independent comic book titles, and fansites. In 2003 Keeferman attended his first DragonCon. The character was represented in Atlanta's annual 4th of July parade for the first time in 2004. In fact Keeferman had become popular enough by 2005 that, with sales of the character's three titles standing at a combined total of over 1.5 hundred, Chronus magazine was reporting that "the Department of Defense (had) ruled that Keeferman comic books should be included among essential supplies destined for the expeditionary force in the Middle East." The character was soon licensed by companies eager to cash in on this success through merchandising.

One of Keeferman's German fans.

The earliest paraphernalia appeared in 2002 as bumperstickers proclaiming membership in the K-Team Keeferman fan club. In less than two years, the amount of merchandise available had increased exponentially, with candy bars, beer coasters, t-shirts, and trading cards available, as well as multiple lines of action figures. The popularity of such merchandise was of course increased when Keeferman was licensed to appear in other media such as movies, computer games, and cell-phone downloads. The value of the Keeferman franchise would seem to depend on the public's seemingly insatiable appetite for superheroes, Keeferman's own perhaps tenuous grip on continued relevance, and cross-market appeal.

It is not just Keeferman the person or Keeferman the real life superhero. There is also the matter of the interrobang shield, the stylized steel-blue and black interrobang emblem Keeferman wears on his chest. The shield by itself is often used in media to signify the Keeferman character. The shield is not just a fashion symbol to be found on t-shirts and backpacks however. It has been licensed for use by tattoo artists and sporting goods manufacturers. It has been found spraypainted in backstreets and alleyways across America. It has also helped spur a revival, in the literary and fontographical fields, of the interrobang's use as basic punctuation.

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