Guide, Innocent Bystander Survival
From Encyclopedia Superheroica -the Encyclopedia of Superheroes
We have all seen it a thousand times. Collateral damage from superpowered clashes, regular people disregarding common sense, and bad publicity from avoidable accidents. There are any number of circumstances that could account for civilian casualties, but (merely by educating themselves) these civilians could keep themselves out of harm's way if they just followed a few simple rules -some of which are quoted here.
Rules
- 2. "If the Evil Overlord announces to the world that he has reformed and wants only to help people, throw a party, and give away money, don't go."
- 4. "If you're riding on public transport and the Magnificent Eleven board your train or bus, get out immediately and wait for the next one. Especially if they're in their street clothes."
- 9. "If an acquaintance of yours seems to disappear everytime the Hero puts in an appearance, rub some of those brain cells together and see what comes up."
13. "Do not attempt to duplicate the means by which the Hero gained his/her powers. You will either fail and die a lingering, agonizing death, or succeed, lose control of your powers, wreck half of the city, and make it necessary for the Hero to kill you to neutralize the threat you pose to everyone else."
36. "Do not attempt to observe the Hero's fights in person, but rather content yourself with watching it on the nightly news."
49. "No matter how hooked you are on phonics, don't try to pronounce things you find inscribed in ancient artifacts."
History
The Survival Guide for Normal Innocent Bystanders is said to have been an innovation by Arthur Levesque, inspired by the multitude of other lists that were ultimately inspired by Peter Anspach. This particular version was discovered at John VanSickle's site (clickable below).
